If You're Dreading the Holidays, Read This

Everyone around you seems excited. The decorations are going up. The festive music is playing everywhere. Social media is flooding with holiday cheer and perfect family photos.

And you? You're feeling a knot in your stomach that gets tighter every day.

If you're dreading the holidays while everyone else appears to be celebrating, I need you to know something important: You're not broken. You're not ungrateful. You're not alone.

The holidays are genuinely hard for millions of people, and pretending otherwise doesn't help anyone. So, let's talk honestly about why this season feels so heavy—and what you can actually do about it.

You're Not the Only One Struggling

Here's what nobody posts on Instagram: research shows that the holidays are one of the most stressful times of year for mental health. Studies indicate that depression, anxiety, and loneliness all spike during the holiday season, yet we're all supposed to be merry and bright.

The disconnect between how you're "supposed" to feel and how you actually feel creates its own layer of shame and isolation. You scroll through social media seeing everyone's highlight reel—the perfect gatherings, the matching pajamas, the joy—and wonder what's wrong with you that you can't seem to access any of that.

Nothing is wrong with you.

The holidays trigger very real challenges that affect mental health:

Financial stress intensifies. The pressure to buy gifts, travel, host gatherings, and participate in expensive traditions creates anxiety that's dismissed as being "too focused on materialism." But financial stress is a legitimate mental health concern, and the holidays amplify it significantly.

Family dynamics get concentrated. Whatever dysfunction exists in your family throughout the year gets compressed into intense, unavoidable gatherings. Old wounds resurface. Toxic patterns reemerge. Boundaries that took all year to build get challenged repeatedly.

Grief becomes inescapable. Whether you've lost someone to death, estrangement, divorce, or life changes, the holidays highlight absence. Empty chairs at the table. Traditions that no longer work. Memories of what used to be. The grief is real, and "holiday cheer" doesn't make it disappear.

Comparison steals peace. Everywhere you look, there are messages about what the holidays "should" be. You're bombarded with images of perfect families, elaborate celebrations, and seamless joy. When your reality doesn't match, it feels like personal failure rather than what it actually is: unrealistic expectations colliding with real life.

Trauma gets activated. For people with difficult pasts—childhood trauma, abusive relationships, religious wounds—the holidays can trigger painful memories and responses. Certain songs, smells, or traditions can transport you back to times when you weren't safe or weren't okay.

The pressure to perform happiness is exhausting. Even when you're struggling, there's expectation to show up cheerful, grateful, and festive. Performing emotions you don't feel is emotionally draining and creates even more internal distress.

If any of this resonates, please hear this: the problem isn't you. The problem is a culture that insists everyone must love the holidays while refusing to acknowledge why they're genuinely difficult for so many people.

The Permission You're Looking For

Maybe you opened this hoping for permission. Permission to feel what you're feeling. Permission to not love this season. Permission to struggle without shame.

Here it is:

• You have permission to not enjoy the holidays. Your feelings are valid regardless of what calendar date it is. December doesn't erase depression, heal trauma, or fix dysfunctional relationships just because there are lights and decorations everywhere.

• You have permission to set boundaries. You don't have to attend every gathering. You don't have to hug people who make you uncomfortable. You don't have to answer invasive questions about your life. You don't have to participate in traditions that harm your mental health.

• You have permission to skip things entirely. If going home for the holidays damages your wellbeing, you can stay home. If family gatherings consistently leave you depleted and anxious, you can decline. The guilt you feel doesn't mean you're making the wrong choice—it means you were taught that your needs don't matter as much as others' expectations.

• You have permission to feel grief during "happy" times. Missing someone doesn't get put on pause because it's December. Grief doesn't care about holiday schedules. You can acknowledge loss even when everyone around you is celebrating.

• You have permission to create different traditions. If the traditional way of doing holidays doesn't work for you—whether because of family dysfunction, financial constraints, religious differences, or simply personal preference—you can do things differently. You can create new traditions that actually bring you peace instead of stress.

• You have permission to protect your peace. Your mental health matters more than anyone else's holiday expectations. If protecting yourself means disappointing people, that's unfortunate but not your responsibility to fix.

• You have permission to ask for help. Struggling during the holidays doesn't mean you're weak or failing. It means you're human, dealing with a challenging season, and deserve support.

What Actually Helps (Beyond "Just Enjoy It")

Telling someone who's dreading the holidays to "just try to enjoy them" is like telling someone with depression to "just cheer up." It's useless advice that makes people feel worse for not being able to manufacture feelings on command.

Here's what actually helps when you're struggling through the holiday season:

• Name what you're feeling without judgment. Instead of beating yourself up for dreading the holidays, simply acknowledge: "I'm feeling anxious about family gatherings" or "I'm grieving and the holidays intensify that" or "I'm financially stressed and it's affecting my mental health."

• Naming feelings without the additional layer of shame about having them reduces their power. You don't have to fix the feelings or talk yourself out of them. Just acknowledge they exist. Identify your specific triggers. What exactly about the holidays is hard for you? Is it specific people? Certain traditions? Financial pressure? Being alone? Time with family? The performative nature of it all?

Getting specific about what triggers distress helps you plan around it instead of just suffering through everything while hoping it magically gets better.

Plan your boundaries in advance. Decide ahead of time what you will and won't do, where your limits are, and what you'll do when boundaries are tested (because they will be).

Boundaries aren't mean or selfish—they're essential self-care. You might decide:

• "I'll attend for two hours, then leave"

• "I won't discuss my relationship status, career, or body"

• "I'll stay in a hotel instead of at family's house"

• "I'll skip this year entirely"

• "I'll bring a friend for support"

Whatever boundaries you need, decide them now before you're in the moment trying to figure it out while people pressure you.

Build in recovery time. If you do attend difficult gatherings, schedule time immediately after to decompress and recover. Don't pack your schedule so tight that you're going from one stressful event to another without space to process.

Recovery time might look like:

• A quiet day at home alone

• Time with safe, supportive people

• Therapy session scheduled for right after

• Permission to do absolutely nothing

• Activities that actually restore you

Connect with people who understand. Seek out others who find the holidays difficult. This might be friends who also have complicated family situations, online communities for people navigating holiday struggles, or support groups. When you're surrounded by people insisting the holidays are wonderful, finding those who acknowledge the difficulty provides essential validation.

Create alternative experiences. The holidays don't have to look the way they've always looked. If traditional gatherings don't work for you, create something different:

• Friendsgiving with chosen family

• Solo holiday doing exactly what you want

• Volunteering to create meaning while helping others

• Travel somewhere entirely different to escape expectations

• Low-key gathering with people who feel safe

• Completely ignoring holidays if that feels best

There's no rule that says you must participate in holidays in any particular way. Do what actually works for your mental health, not what you think you're supposed to do.

Limit social media consumption. If scrolling through everyone's perfect holiday content makes you feel worse, give yourself permission to take a break. You don't need to witness everyone else's (curated, filtered, highlight-reel) holiday joy when you're struggling.

Get professional support if needed. If holiday stress triggers severe depression, anxiety, or other mental health crises, reaching out to a therapist or counselor isn't admitting defeat—it's taking care of yourself during a genuinely difficult time.

Many therapists offer extra sessions during the holidays specifically because they know this season intensifies mental health challenges.

If You're Dealing with Specific Challenges

Different situations create different struggles during the holidays. Here's some specific guidance:

1. If you're grieving: The holidays amplify loss. Give yourself permission to feel sad even when everyone else is celebrating. You might create a small ritual to honor the person you're missing, or you might need to skip certain traditions that feel too painful. Both responses are valid.

2. Don't let anyone tell you "they'd want you to be happy" or "this is what they would have wanted." Your grief belongs to you, and you get to navigate it however you need to.

3. If you're dealing with family dysfunction or toxicity: You don't owe anyone your presence at gatherings that harm you, regardless of blood relation or holiday traditions. Protecting yourself from toxic family dynamics isn't cruel—it's necessary.

4. If you do choose to attend, have an exit plan ready. Park where you can leave easily. Have your own transportation. Set a firm end time. Don't let guilt keep you in situations that damage your mental health.

5. If you're alone: Being alone during the holidays when everyone else seems to be with family can feel intensely lonely. But being alone doesn't have to mean being isolated. This might be an opportunity to create exactly the holiday experience you want without accommodating anyone else's needs or expectations.

6. Some people find that volunteering, connecting with others who are also alone, or treating it as any other day all help reduce the sting of being alone during a family-centered season.

7. If you're financially stressed: Financial strain is one of the biggest holiday stressors, yet talking about it is often treated as taboo. The pressure to spend money you don't have on gifts, travel, and celebrations creates genuine anxiety.

8. You're allowed to set a budget and stick to it. You're allowed to skip gift exchanges. You're allowed to be honest about your financial situation. Anyone who judges you for not spending money you don't have isn't someone whose opinion should matter to you.

9. If you're estranged from family: Being estranged from family during the holidays comes with its own specific pain—the grief of broken relationships, the judgment from others who don't understand, the loneliness when everyone else seems to be with family. Remember: you didn't choose estrangement lightly. Whatever led to that separation was serious enough to warrant it. Don't let holiday sentiment make you question boundaries that exist for good reasons.

10. If you're dealing with depression or anxiety: The holidays can intensify existing mental health conditions. The disruption to routines, increased social demands, financial stress, and pressure to be happy all exacerbate symptoms. Maintaining whatever mental health practices help you (medication, therapy, exercise, sleep routines) becomes even more important during this season. Don't skip the things that keep you stable just because it's the holidays.

For When It Feels Unbearable

If you're reading this and you're not just dreading the holidays but genuinely struggling to get through them—if the pain feels unbearable or you're having thoughts of self-harm—please reach out for help right now.

Crisis resources available 24/7:

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline - Call or text 988

• Crisis Text Line - Text HOME to 741741

• SAMHSA National Helpline - 1-800-662-4357

  
  

The holidays are temporary. This season will pass. The feelings won't last forever even though they feel overwhelming right now.

If you're in crisis, reaching out isn't weakness—it's the strongest thing you can do.

The Truth About the Holidays

Here's the truth we need to say out loud more often:

The holidays aren't magical for everyone. They don't fix problems, heal wounds, or create joy where there isn't any foundation for it.

For many people, the holidays are simply a difficult season to survive, and that's okay. You don't have to transform your dread into delight. You don't have to find silver linings or force gratitude. You just have to get through them, whatever that looks like for you.

And maybe—if you protect yourself enough, set enough boundaries, and refuse to participate in things that harm you—maybe the holidays can eventually become something more neutral. Not joyful necessarily, but not devastating either.

That's a perfectly acceptable goal. Not every season has to be your favorite. Not every tradition has to be meaningful. Not every gathering has to be attended.

You get to decide what works for you, what you can handle, and what you need to skip to protect your wellbeing.

You're Going to Get Through This

If you're dreading the holidays, you're going to get through them. You've survived every difficult season before this one, and you'll survive this one too.

It might not be pleasant. It might not match what you see on social media or in movies. It might require setting boundaries that disappoint people or making choices that others judge.

But you'll get through it. And on the other side, the pressure will ease. The expectations will quiet down. The season will pass.

Until then, be as gentle with yourself as you can. Protect your peace however you need to. Ignore anyone who tells you how you "should" feel. And remember that your struggle is valid, your feelings matter, and you deserve support—even during the "most wonderful time of the year."

You're not alone in this. And you're going to be okay.

Free Resource: Mental Health Crisis Response Checklist

The holidays can sometimes push mental health struggles into crisis territory. Download the FREE Mental Health Crisis Response Checklist so you know exactly what to do if holiday stress becomes overwhelming for you or someone you care about.

What's inside:

• Warning signs that stress has escalated to crisis

• Step-by-step intervention protocols

• Emergency contacts and resources

• Safety planning specifically for holiday-related distress

• How to help someone else who's struggling during this season

  
  

Download Your Free Crisis Response Checklist Now

Don't wait until you're in crisis to have these resources ready. Get them now while you're thinking clearly.

You Matter. Your Struggle Matters. Your Wellbeing Matters.

The holidays don't change that. No amount of decorations, music, or societal pressure changes the fact that your mental health matters, your feelings are valid, and you deserve support.

If this resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need to hear it. Sometimes just knowing we're not alone in dreading this season makes it a little more bearable.And if you need more support navigating not just the holidays but mental health in general, I'm here. Follow along for honest conversations about mental health, practical strategies that actually help, and validation that your experience matters.

You're going to get through this season. And I'm here to help however I can.

Take care of yourself. You deserve it.

This article provides education and support but isn't a substitute for professional mental health care. If you're in crisis, please reach out to the resources listed above or contact a qualified mental health provider.